Tuesday, September 29, 2009

From deep in the vault of the unpublishable: The Future is Unwritten

Written hastily this summer...

Tanya opened her eyes in the town of her youth, in the parking lot behind the FoodMaster. She was seated on the still-warm hood of a green Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. The first thing she did was poke her tongue over to one side of her mouth, then to the other. No teeth missing. Not even a filling. She pulled her tee shirt up to find her stomach flat and free of scars; the pain gone from her shoulder and knee as if lifted with a pair of celestial tongs. When she pinched the skin on the back of her hand it snapped right into place. Her fingernails were painted a lurid purple. She threw her head back and laughed up at the wet black sky.

An elderly man approached the car, buttoned to the chin in his raincoat, pushing a loaded grocery cart. The cart had a bad wheel, and wobbled. "That's my car," he barked.

Tanya slid to her feet. "Do you know what time it is?" she asked.

The old man did not look at his watch. "It's late, that's what time it is," he said.

"Thanks." Tanya began to walk away. Then she spun around and added, "by the way, do you know what year it is? I do! It's 1987, and I know now what I didn't know then!"

The man put his grocery bags into his trunk and slammed the lid, keeping his back to Tanya. She turned and ran out of the parking lot into Jefferson Avenue, then took a left on Decatur, joy flooding her limbs like sweet coffee. A fine, cold mist was falling. The pedestrian walkway on the Grand Street Bridge was slick with it. The trucks rumbling from one end of town to the other were almost close enough to touch.

First Tanya caught the scent of strong tobacco, then she felt a buzzing blue energy all along her right side. That was when Joe materialized and fell into step beside her.

"I wish you wouldn’t keep doing that," she muttered. "It freaks me out."

Joe didn't answer. He blew a smoke ring. As Tanya watched, it grew a tiny pair of wings and flew off over the Passaic. "What are you doing here, anyway?" she asked.

"Just thought I'd remind you why I granted your wish in the first place." Joe tossed his cigarette in the gutter, where it sprouted into a clump of daisies. "Just making sure you don't get distracted by matters of a personal nature."

Tanya turned to look at him, but his eyes were hidden as always by black plastic sunglasses and his long pale face was impossible to read.

"I thought," she began, "that I might be able to do this one tiny thing for myself before I go off to save the world."

"And you can," Joe laughed. "But I'm going to be your nanny."

* * *

Spratt's band was already on stage. They were called Juliet and the Spirits, and Tanya smiled at the memory of explaining to her mother that not only were there no girls in the band, but that none of the boys were gay. And there he was — Spratt. He played lead and sometimes sang, but he wasn't singing now. He was as thin as a greyhound and his hair was laquered into bright purple knitting needles. He played his black Telecaster with great urgency, like an overwound toy robot. The veins stood out in his arms and neck.

Joe leaned close to Tanya. "Might have got somewhere without that git of a singer," he shouted. But then he seemed to see something in Tanya's face — something that made him push his sunglasses up onto his forehead. His eyes were quite fierce, and Tanya tried very hard to determine what color they were but couldn't, and she realized then that Joe never seemed to have much color about him at all, but existed in black-and-white like an old photograph, and all at once she was terribly afraid. At the snap of his fingers they were out on the sidewalk in front of the club. Tanya's ears rang in the sudden silence. She clapped her hands over them.

"Your wish," said Joe, lifting her chin gently with one finger, "was to come back to this particular year so that you could see your mother again, and then to fix up all of this, remember?" And he pulled a crumpled postcard of the New York skyline out of the very air, and held it in front of Tanya's eyes.

"I know. But it's Spratt. I have to save him, too." Tanya didn't know what else to say; she just looked up into Joe's black-and-white face. He was a little bit like her big brother Sal, a little bit like Humphrey Bogart. Joe knew all about rock'n'roll and youth and passion, surely he would understand.

"May I point out that even in your own time this lad Jimmy is still alive and well?" he asked.

"If you call that living. With that simpery poetess and her goats on the cheese farm."

Joe laughed. He produced a cigarette from his shirt pocket. It lit itself with a tiny blue flame and he tucked it into the corner of his mouth. He looked at Tanya and waited.

She kicked at the pavement with the toe of her boot. "I wouldn't have made the wish at all if I thought you'd really stick to the restrictions," she said. "Anyway, how do you know that by changing Spratt’s life — okay, and mine — I won't still somehow do that other thing? Isn't the personal political, after all?"

Joe frowned, then reached out a white hand to tousle Tanya's hair. "Some restrictions may apply," he said, "and the future is unwritten."

Friday, September 11, 2009

Brought to you by your very favorite general, General Foods.

Or maybe Nabisco.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Teacher, there are things that I don't want to learn.

Well, I've got a day job now. I'm teaching four sections of First Year Academic Writing -- or, if you were born before 1990, "Freshman Composition" -- at a local institution of higher learning.

You may call me Professor PJ now if you wish, although Adjunct Lecturer PJ would be more accurate.

Between planning, photocopying, and trying to figure out where to put myself between classes, this job is sucking up a lot of my time. It is also just sucking in general.

Expect blog posts to be (even more) sporadic for the next few months.

"In conclusion, why I think teaching First Year academic writing is important is because its due to the fact that young people cant write very good nowadays. For example, in some of the dye-agnostic essays which I recieved last weak some of the sentences were so bad they liturally made me loose my breathe. Their are some very uneducated people being aloud into colleges and universitys today which in my opinien is a very big problem which we are facing today."

More on this situation as it develops.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Blog Update... In Color!


A few years ago my son came down with the flu, and for a week or so would wake in the wee hours of the morning, when his fever spiked. I would dose him with Tylenol, then bundle him downstairs to watch TV — which was the only thing he wanted to do.

Despite the lateness of the hour, we could choose from a range of children's programming on the various isotope channels of Nickelodeon, Disney, and PBS.

I remember looking at my son — who was wrapped like a small mummy in his blankets, whose cheeks were pink and blazing — and saying, “you know, when I was your age, there were no kids' shows on in the middle of the night. In fact, there wasn’t any TV at all in the middle of the night! If you were sick, you just had to lie there and deal with it.”

My son merely regarded me with his skeptical, fever-glazed eyes, and said nothing.

***

I’m getting old. I admit it. My cell phone is the most basic model (it doesn't even take pictures) and I only have it at all in case, god forbid, something happens. I pray twice daily for the demise of reality television, and for MTV to play music videos again. I despair of the fact that most TV stations — for the privilege of whose presence I must pay — play the same handful of shows every day in blocks of eight or ten, broken up with disorienting chunks of corporate advertising. (E.g.: Sonic. I have never even seen a Sonic. The nearest one to me is in Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey, apparently. Yet they must titillate me with their value menu.)

And if you happen to be awake in the middle of the night, and are too old for Noggin, your viewing choices boil down to:
  1. The Misshapen Twins Real Estate Millions Show,
  2. The Confederate Weapon and Jewelry Screamathon, or
  3. The Old-Time Penis Enhancement Hour.

I think it would be better for everyone if TV went away over night, like it used to.

***

Television used to be a much friendlier thing. A tactile thing. How often do you touch your TV anymore? Time was, everyone touched their TVs. Your TV was excitable. It completely fell apart if the lady across the street turned on her vacuum cleaner. Then you would have to caress the vertical hold knob and the horizontal hold knob with your fingertips just so.

Also, you had to get up to change the channel. The Very High Frequency! The Ultra High Frequency! And if you could manage to set the dial between Channel 5 (WNEW New York, your Metromedia Station) and the wintery wasteland of Channel 6, you could hear real satellite signals, like mating calls of birds in space.

All the TV stations were local back then. And the people who worked for them had to go home at night and sleep, just like you.

Watch this:


This particular programming day ended with a sermon from a mustachioed Reform rabbi. Oh Television, you are practically one of the family, aren't you. But my traitorous heart belongs to the WCBS announcer, who is obviously a WASP with terrific hair, and whose sensible voice belies his intensely passionate nature.

This was the era of "technical difficulties" and endearing human error — wait a minute, is that boy in the yellow slicker really the Seal of Good Practice? — but there was also a sense of ceremony to the end of the programming day, jingoistic patriotism being our secular national religion, if you will. And even though by the seventies this was tinged with cynicism, it makes me sad that we've lost it. Not the patriotism, but the ritual. It was comforting to end the day with a nice proper bang, like being away at camp and hearing Taps. The day is done. Go to sleep. It's good for you, and we care about you.

But if you can't sleep, here is our test pattern, which looks rather a like a celtic cross, don't you think? And our electronic om will be with you all through the night. Or until 6:05, anyway.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Other People's Stuff

Alone with the Goddess
by Linda Gregg

The young men ride their horses fast
on the wet sand of Parangtritis.
Back and forth, with the water sliding
up to them and away.
This is the sea where the goddess lives,
angry, her lover taken away.
Don’t wear red, don’t wear green here,
the people say. Do not swim in the sea.
Give her an offering.
I give a coconut to protect
the man I love. The water pushes it back.
I wade out and throw it farther.
“The goddess does not accept your gift,”
an old woman says.
I say perhaps she likes me
and we are playing a game.
The old woman is silent,
the horses wear blinders of cloth,
the young men exalt in their bodies,
not seeing right or left, pretending
to be brave. Sliding on and off
their beautiful horses
on the wet beach at Parangtritis.

Linda Gregg (1942- ) was born in New York, raised in Marin County, California, and was educated at San Francisco State University. She published her first book of poetry in 1981 and has slowly gained many admirers, including the poets W.S. Merwin and Gerald Stern. Among her many honors, she has been the recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship, a National Endowment for the Arts grant, and the PEN/Voelcker Award for Poetry. Her poetry is often admired for its ability to discuss grief, desire, and longing with electrifying craftsmanship and poise. She currently teaches at Princeton University.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Hot New Old Writers! Digressions! Mild Obscenities!


Readers of my old (defunct) blog may remember a couple of posts about Charles Bock. Charles is the author of the novel Beautiful Children, a New York Times Notable Book of 2008 and the winner of the American Academy of Arts and Letters' Sue Kaufman Award for First Fiction. I was fortunate enough to be Charles' student at Gotham Writers Workshop in the summer of 2005 -- before he was even anybody!

His novel garnered a lot of attention, partly because of the incendiary nature of the material (missing children, Las Vegas, the sex industry) and partly because Charles is a great guy with a boatload of talent and a heart the size of Nevada. Yet almost no one who reviewed Beautiful Children failed to mention that Charles was, at thirty-eight, a bit mature to be publishing his first novel.

Well. I'm about a quarter of a way through the first draft of my own first(?) novel, and I'm a wee tad bit older than Charles. Also, I'm a woman. If you were to ask me what my novel is about, I would say creation, destruction, sex, and loss. The protagonist is a wee tad bit older than Charles Bock. And she's a woman.

If the publishing world considers Charles Bock to be past his use-by date, what in the world will they make of me???

If only I'd begun writing when I was young and dishy! Thing is, I was so f*cked up back then I couldn't concentrate long enough to Tweet (had Tweeting been an option) let alone dash off a short story that would set the balding, paunchy loins of Academe astir.

(A word of advice to the currently f*cked up: don't be like me. Write it all down. Then sell it to the New York Times Magazine. Be sure to include an exhaustive list of all your psychotropic medications, as well as a few photos that show your edgy haircut to good advantage. The graphic design department will have a field day.)

But I digress. What really concerns me is this: if I want anyone to even glance at this thing I'm writing, will I have to have a sex-change operation, trim fifteen years from my age, and move to Brooklyn? Change my name to Jonathan, perhaps? Or should I just crawl back into the Yellow Wallpaper?

F*ck that. Seriously.

And the first person who mentions chick lit or cougars gets his jugular ripped out and eaten.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

So It Has Come to This...


April has been a rather challenging month for me, both personally and professionally. If you watch the following video, just think of Bobby as me.

Or, if that's too silly, just think of Bobby as the Hero of Many Faces who must go into the Underworld (the Garage) to confront his Shadow Self in an Epic Rock Showdown.



Back to the grind, for now.